"Plump" is the new "Fat"

I received a text message this morning: "Plump is a funny word." For some time now, my friends and I have been engaged in a quest for funny words. Though I invite many friends, acquaintances, even strangers to participate in the search, few truly grasp what it is that makes a word funny. This particular message came from Rusty, a member of the inner circle of funny-word devotees--he rarely disappoints, and today is no exception. Plump IS a funny word. Consider the vowel sound, the lowly short "u"--for some reason, it's just funnier than the energetic and upstanding long "A" or the knowing and, as E.A. Poe described it, "sonorous" long "O". The short "u" is the sound of ignorance (uuuuuhh, I don't know) and of bright light stinging sleepy eyes in the early morning (uuuuuggghh!). Listen to the pop of the initial and final P's--can't you just hear a Ball Park Frank sizzling on a charcoal grill as it, well, plumps? Wallow in the word's connotation, for plump is decidedly distinct from its more harsh, angry sister "chunky", and not nearly as stark as its frank cousin "fat". Plump is pleased with its own corpulescence. Say it a few times: plump, plump, plump! Now that's comedy.

What separates the funny word game's novices from their more seasoned counterparts is their appreciation for the subtleties of humor inherent in a particular word. Novices often submit nonsense words for humor evaluation, but these lesser members of our lexicon lack the nuance to be genuinely funny. Though words like googly-moogly or bootylicious make silly sounds, their inherent humor is at best a visceral comedy, the linguistic equal of a cartoon character slipping on a banana peel. Nonsense words are to funny what Paris Hilton is to beautiful--the most obvious and generic example. That's not to say that a silly-sounding word can't be genuinely funny, though. Take, for example, the supremely funny word "gubernatorial." The first two syllables sound as silly as any nonsense word--goooo-ber. However, unlike nonsense words, which exist solely to sound funny, goooo-ber-natorial is a legitimate word with an actual meaning, AND it sounds funny. Moreover, the conflict between the ridiculousness of the images conjured by the silliness of the sound (think chocolate covered peanuts) and the stately pomposity of the word's definition (of or relating to a governor) creates a delicious verbal irony. Why, it's downright oxymoronic! (Another wonderfully funny, albeit overused, word.)

Words need not even sound funny to be funny. Consider beverage. When have you ever heard beverage used in conversation? "Mom, I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a beveage?" "Hey, we should get together soon. Let's meet for beverages this weekend." The word is so formal, so sterile, that it's entirely foreign in everyday communication. Yet, it's emblazoned across the menu board of every fastfood restaurant in America. Imagine if all menu items were categorized in such absurdly elevated terms--instead of chicken nuggets we'd order "Fowl" and instead of hamburgers and fish sandwiches we'd order "Surf & Turf". Beverage is so beautifully awkward as it shines forth from the menu board, standing guard over little Hi-C and Dr. Pepper.

In conclusion, funny words are all around us. We need only seek out subtleties of sound and meaning to find humor in even so dry a text as a dictionary.